VALUE

When I think of the word value I think of Jesus. I think about how I am valued, and how my son is valued. I think about how valuable we each are to a God that keeps no record of wrongs and says that WE are worthy, and valuable to Him.

I can remember a time when I didn't really know my worth. I used to have a twisted concept of my worth and would chase after filling that desperate need in boys, beer, and anyone that would just pretend to love me. My value was contingent upon all of these people and circumstances whirling around me.

I got hurt. And was let down,
A lot.

I grew up in the church. I was saved and became a believer at a young age. But I believe that because I didn't have an earthly father loving, protecting, nurturing and cheering me on, I struggled all my childhood and adolescent years of my life believing, really believing, that I was valued.

It took a long time.
And then I got pregnant at 25.

I pray it doesn't take my child having a baby out of wedlock, or falling flat on his face to grasp the beauty of knowing his value. I pray daily that as I lead him on, he will fall in love with Jesus, and build everything in his life around the one relationship that is a foundation unlike any other. And reiterates in His word how valuable we are. I pray that every single day, as I fall short my Father will bridge the gap between my foul ups as a parent and will fill it with His supernatural perfect LOVE and grace. And Logan will know his value.

It took me falling to my knees in a tiny bathroom in my tiny apartment I could barely afford, after reading the results over and over.

Pregnant.

I began to panic and googled every single abortion facility in the DFW area, and even more. I began calling and every single number was either disconnected or I was asked to leave a message on a recording. I would begin fumbling for words, and just hang up.
I prayed, actually prayed that God would just take it away! The next morning I was praying, and calling the abortion clinics again. I had my hands on my stomach and was praying out loud "God, please just show me right now everything's going to be okay! I need to know now God! I cannot do this on my own. I can't even afford to take care of myself let alone another person for the next 18 years! " I begged. Suddenly I started feeling little flutters in my belly and I knew it was this tiny life growing inside me. This miracle called LIFE. That very moment as I was praying I heard a clear word from the Lord and it was something like this.

" I have chosen you! I will provide all you will need, this is MY child. Do you not know how valuable he is?!"

It was as if someone was sitting right beside me. Speaking clearly. I started to shred the post its with all the numbers, and all I remember saying was " I trust you Lord"

November 16th 2009 I gave birth to my son. I knew in the very moment of meeting him face to face, how valuable I really was to God. Our first night together I had a flashback to that dreary day in April. I was completely overwhelmed by such love and faithfulness.

I pray as I tell and show Logan how valuable he is, he will live his life according to that truth.
I pray if you're reading this post, YOU know your value. You are so loved and more valuable than any pearl or ruby.

You are VALUABLE.