My Most Thankful Thing

Bedtime is my favorite time. It's always been our special time.

Our conversation tonight at bedtime:

"I love you son, to the moon and back."
Logan: "I luuub shu mommy to de moon and back."
"I'm so proud of you son."
Logan: "I'm proud of shu mommy and I lub you most!"

I'll never ever ever be able to thank my God enough for this gift. THE best gift of all.

Motherhood. Love of and from a child. My child, Logan Pierce.

VALUE

When I think of the word value I think of Jesus. I think about how I am valued, and how my son is valued. I think about how valuable we each are to a God that keeps no record of wrongs and says that WE are worthy, and valuable to Him.

I can remember a time when I didn't really know my worth. I used to have a twisted concept of my worth and would chase after filling that desperate need in boys, beer, and anyone that would just pretend to love me. My value was contingent upon all of these people and circumstances whirling around me.

I got hurt. And was let down,
A lot.

I grew up in the church. I was saved and became a believer at a young age. But I believe that because I didn't have an earthly father loving, protecting, nurturing and cheering me on, I struggled all my childhood and adolescent years of my life believing, really believing, that I was valued.

It took a long time.
And then I got pregnant at 25.

I pray it doesn't take my child having a baby out of wedlock, or falling flat on his face to grasp the beauty of knowing his value. I pray daily that as I lead him on, he will fall in love with Jesus, and build everything in his life around the one relationship that is a foundation unlike any other. And reiterates in His word how valuable we are. I pray that every single day, as I fall short my Father will bridge the gap between my foul ups as a parent and will fill it with His supernatural perfect LOVE and grace. And Logan will know his value.

It took me falling to my knees in a tiny bathroom in my tiny apartment I could barely afford, after reading the results over and over.

Pregnant.

I began to panic and googled every single abortion facility in the DFW area, and even more. I began calling and every single number was either disconnected or I was asked to leave a message on a recording. I would begin fumbling for words, and just hang up.
I prayed, actually prayed that God would just take it away! The next morning I was praying, and calling the abortion clinics again. I had my hands on my stomach and was praying out loud "God, please just show me right now everything's going to be okay! I need to know now God! I cannot do this on my own. I can't even afford to take care of myself let alone another person for the next 18 years! " I begged. Suddenly I started feeling little flutters in my belly and I knew it was this tiny life growing inside me. This miracle called LIFE. That very moment as I was praying I heard a clear word from the Lord and it was something like this.

" I have chosen you! I will provide all you will need, this is MY child. Do you not know how valuable he is?!"

It was as if someone was sitting right beside me. Speaking clearly. I started to shred the post its with all the numbers, and all I remember saying was " I trust you Lord"

November 16th 2009 I gave birth to my son. I knew in the very moment of meeting him face to face, how valuable I really was to God. Our first night together I had a flashback to that dreary day in April. I was completely overwhelmed by such love and faithfulness.

I pray as I tell and show Logan how valuable he is, he will live his life according to that truth.
I pray if you're reading this post, YOU know your value. You are so loved and more valuable than any pearl or ruby.

You are VALUABLE.

Answered Prayer

I can remember vividly being told I may lose them, my legs. I remember my legs and feet going completely numb, tingling, and cold.

I believe we can try desperately not to take things, health, people for granted. But I think to some degree, we all fall short in this area.

I know I did.

After the second back surgery, January 23rd 2012 I woke up to excruciating pain radiating throughout my entire body. It was as if I had a million knives stabbing every nerve and muscle in my back. The pain though was not in my legs because I couldn't feel them. I did have extensive nerve damage that was causing one leg to burn with nerve pain. But the rest was numb.

I'll never forget this moment. It was one of those "moments with God" that will be always ingrained in my mind. I began to beg my nurse to tell me what may be next. After a while he said the words. " IF this doesn't subside, worst case, you could lose them. "
" What?! Lose my legs!?" was my response, fighting tears. "I proclaim in the name of Jesus Christ my legs will come back!" I uttered to myself.

I began to pray out loud " Lord please" I pleaded. .

" Please allow this to pass- I am expecting a miracle and complete healing so that I will be not walking but running with my son soon, in Jesus name! "

My grandmother and mother were in the ICU room with me. I could see the tears welling up in moms eyes and my grandmother just trying to stay strong for me.

The other day I was on a walk. Though I appeared to be alone, I wasn't. The cars that passed probably thought I was crazy. I could feel the presence of God so thick that day, on that walk. I often pray out loud in my car, by myself. I can't drive, so I walk. And I talk to God when I walk.

I was barefooted and the warmth of the concrete was almost soothing to my feet. When they'd get too warm I'd hop over in the grass and feel the crisp cold grass between my toes.

I LOVE that feeling....

I just thanked the Lord, over and over. For healing me. For being able to walk with Logan, to FEEL the grass.

I took a picture.

Reading Time is our favorite time

Lo has always enjoyed reading books. I've been reading to him since I brought him home from the hospital. It became our bonding time at the end of a long day, & we never missed our quiet time before bed, ever.

Since January 15th things have been very different, rearranged a bit.
But, Lo has gotten very attached to his " bible book ". I'm THANKFUL that this has become his favorite story book out of his entire collection. What I find fascinating is that he's grown an attachment & finds comfort in reading this book, since I've been away.

I believe there's power, supernatural power in a mothers prayer. My prayer is that he will grow to love the word of God.
That he would take comfort & find peace in His promises.

I pray that he will always know in his heart Jesus LOVES him, because the bible tells him so & because it's the TRUTH!

Picture Day!

Today was our 2nd picture day at school. He looked handsome in his tie & great big smile!

Happy Mommys Day Mom!

Today I got a special surprise from my little bear. He painted a special pot today just for me, & planted a beautiful pink flower in this special pot.

When he brought it home he said "happy Mommys day mom!"

Made my day.

Possibly, my year!

This is a special Mothers Day. We get to be together, & that's all that really matters.

I will comfort you as a mother comforts her child. Isaiah 66:13

One thing I take rest in, as a mother, is that Jesus Christ, the Son of God, King of Kings, Father of Fathers, will comfort Logan even if I'm unable to do so.

Since January 15th, I've had to "let go" in a way and fully trust that Logan's taken care of. All the little things that only a mother even thinks about I knew probably weren't being done exactly the way I did them before the wreck happened. But I have had to let go & trust in the Lord, during this season of my life that has forced me to rest, physically.

Almost an entire month went by without hearing his belly laughs, feeling his little hand in mine, & seeing his smile. Those were the longest weeks of my life, but I did come to a point of TRUSTING completely that he was still belly laughing, holding hands when crossing the street, & smiling just like before.

It was an area in my parenting I needed to be taught, & to learn.
It was tough & I wrestled with it for weeks, but came to a point of letting it go & TRUSTing.

I've realized, even if I'm not there, even if I took my last breath today, Logan would be comforted & he would be taken care of.

My Father, HE holds us & our family if we just let Him. If we just stop trying to do it ALL on our own & lean on His Everlasting arms, we can take comfort & rest in that peaceful confidence.

Just like I comfort my son, nurture him & love him unconditionally, selflessly, our heavenly Father does the same.

& much much more.

Happy Dedication Day!

Today, in 2009 Logan was dedicated to the Lord. I made the decision to partner with the Lord, & church to raise my little man. What a beautiful journey it's already been!

It was mothers day weekend & I will always remember the significant role I play as a mother, in his life & journey to meet, & fall in love with Jesus Christ.
This was my Devotional for today; great timing for a great reminder.

Posted: 09 May 2012
You’ve wept a monsoon of tears for your child, enough to summon the attention of every angel and their neighbor to your cause. But you’re not so sure anymore.
You find yourself wondering if Christ has forgotten you and your child. He hasn’t! Keep giving your child to God. In the right time, the right way, he will give your child back to you.
A quarter century ago, I gave my daughter to God. I remembered the way Abraham had placed Isaac on the altar. I made my apartment living room my altar and lifted my daughter toward heaven. I can’t raise this girl, I confessed, but You can. I give her back to you! Must have been a sight to behold, a pajama-clad father lifting his blanket-wrapped baby toward the ceiling. But something tells me one parent appreciated the gesture.
Abraham. And, of course, God!